This experiment starts out pretty weird. I mean, the gags are good and plentiful, and there are even some real zingers here and there. It's chaotic, though, and doesn't follow any sort of order or structure. It works, but only just so. I think there could have been some sort of throughway between a debate, jokes of boards and the mads doing construction for... some reason.
Then there's the Irkle gag and it... works? The laughter is pretty good for a while, and the additions of people to the laughter was getting some chuckles, but again, why? This episode clearly didn't have anything in mind for its skits. I kind of prefer the Scifi storylines. Seeing Kevin Murphy as Santa again was fun though. This goes on for two whole skits all the way up until Torgo doesn't get it.
The skits don't get much better and it's really not a great gag with the guy and the big ears. There's just really a lot of fluff to go around and that's really a lot to say about the film.
San Fransisco International
An airport has a great deal of misadventures occur... and some guy wants to commit a crime so he makes the pilot delay a flight. Hilarity ensues.
What makes this movie bad?
This is not what you would consider your typical bad movie. This is just a movie that is so disjointed, much like the episode itself, that it makes the movie itself pretty boring. Not only is it boring, but it just goes off in unneeded tangeants that only serve to make this... very strange TV Pilot only more uninteresting and hard to pay attention to. It's not so much that people have a bad attention span, in this case anyway, this is just more of a background noise type of TV movie.
The worst parts are when they know that they're just gigantic wastes of time. Some kid finds out his parents are getting a divorce. The scenes of him in the plane are already not great to watch, but it's only compounded by the visage of a very clear blue screen/green screen/whatever color they used. That's bad enough, but then there's a very clunky, clumsy plotline of some guy getting punched in the eye. Apparently, punching people in the eye just isn't a big deal, because they just make it sound like another day. There's a lot of boring talking and they let him go.
The central plotline isn't terrible, and the acting isn't horrible, so the movie isn't "bad".
The Riffs
The riffs weren't great, but they definitely got the job done. The best parts come from the absurdity of the crime being committed. The smugness of the main character-ish, who seems to pride himself in scaring the absolute devil out of their investors, just gets riddled with riffs of the best nature. The priest, though, probably stole the spotlight for his brief time on screen. Some of the scenes really go along with the jokes, but there are some dull periods here as well. It's more hit than miss, but that is about the the theme of the entire episode.
The Episode
If it wasn't quite clear, San Francisco International may have gone on to be a decent show, but it was a very Silver Medal episode. Everything from the skits, the movie and the riffs just went middle of the road with everything. It's fun to revisit and even has some really good jokes, some of them will have you rolling. The way they make fun of the kid in the plane and the divorce can just have your ribs in dire need of space. It's a good episode to watch but it's not one you want if you're recommending MST3K to a newbie or someone looking for a masterpiece. Espeically not if they're looking for one of the real stinkers of movies. The rest of the show is full of far worse.
The word is "cheese" today, as they have decided to make their own cheese and stink up the entire sattelite. While they stink up their vessel with cheese, the mads are stinking up the toy market with Johnny Longtorso... a man who literally needs to be sold separately by itself. With a bunch of small purchases, it adds up to over a hundred bucks. The bots get to make their own toys, as Joel trusts them to take up the mantle. They express creativity, passion and I actually wouldn't mind buying Tom's writer toy, as they are so seldom brought out in toy form.
For some reason, none of the skits have anything to do with the movie in this experiment. It's almost like they wanted to think as little about this "film" as possible, so they decided to do other activities. I suppose it's good on them because all of them are either quite funny or entertaining. From them playing keep-away from Crow to them questioning the lyrics to If you like Pino Coladas, these are pretty fun to watch... The movie... however...
Monster A Go-Go
A man disappears after his capsule lands on Earth, and a monster mysteriously begins to kill people. None of this is right, and all of it is fake. Toasters did it.
What makes this movie bad?
Without a single doubt, if there were ever a master tier of absolutely terrible quality movies from every angle, Monster A Go-Go would have a very prominent seat. It gives Manos: The Hands of Fate and Castle Fu Manchu a run for their money on terrible. With a nonsensical narrator ruining the narrative, literally, a very terrible pacing that is slow as a glacier and an overall film and sound quality that grate against the nerves, this movie hits every single low note. The dialogue is laughable, often inaudible, and every single character has no presence at all. Much like Fu Manchu, it is very hard to decipher who can be considered the "main character" or even a known character of any kind.
The monster is basically the only noteworthy part, and that's mostly because he kills someone and walks away in short order. The narrator tells us they are mangled like no other, but once they take off the first victim's cover... he's a guy... with a face. The music is nerve racking and it's really, literally just everything about this film. There's not even an ending. Literally, there is no ending. This entire film was just footage from an unfinished movie, spliced together with other footage to make something that resembled... Whatever this resembles. I still can't tell.
The Riffs
Somehow, Joel and the Bots found a way to take this horrible fossil of a film and make a very entertaining, and hilarious experiment. Sometimes, movies this bad flop on their face against riffing, Monster A Go-Go gets danced on. Much like its Manos peer, Monster A Go-Go became so bad, it's a classic and that's because these guys give it their best without looking like they're even trying. The movie hurt, though, and many of their riffs reflect that a lot. Even Circus on Ice, the short before the movie, has some awesome riffs and is considered one of the better shorts overall.
The Episode
This could have been one of the biggest stinkers in MST3K history. One single wrong move and all of this would have fallen apart. The movie itself keeps this episode from reaching the Best in Show, but only just by a little. It's still absolute Gold Standard, especially for terrible movies. It beat out Castle Fu Manchu, which is not a terrible episode, but the movie bogs it down far more, where Monster A Go-Go just kept hitting the pressure points of your tickled funny bone. If you're new to MST3K or riffing as a whole, this may be a bit of a strong episode to start with. Try Brain that Wouldn't Die and Werewolf first, then give this one a try.
Tom Servo seems to have a fixation on becoming both tall and human. As much as both of the bots like to say they love being robots and thus superior to humans, they certainly seem to envy quite a few aspects as such. So, for this experiment, the mads really have gone mad! They decide to try and make the stripper in the cake part of the product. TV's Frank takes it several steps further by skipping steps in baking it, and decided to include the stripper along with it. Many chucks were had. Joel had a much more harmless invention of a shadow board for your everyday junk drawer.
Speaking of Tom's fixation on being human, this experiment seems to go into a lot of psychology in general. Yes, much of it includes our protagonist for today's experiment. He's... a little nuts. Still, the bots show a lot of human qualities, especially Gypsy. She even gets up on the stage and does a song and dance number exactly like the movie, while Tom and Crow bash around as the waiters. It's just a lot of good fun and Gypsy is obviously enjoying herself.
I Accuse My Parents
A young man becomes involved in a huge spree of crime and decides that it all boils down to how he was raised by neglectful parents. The story unfolds thusly.... And not very well...
What makes this movie bad?
The main character... Yeah, basically the main character and every single time he decides to open his mouth to speak falsehoods. Some childish lying is alright, especially when it's just to make questions go away, but his guy is just cringeworthy in his need for acceptance from his teachers and peers. Every single small accomplishment he does is just so shallow and he expects so much praise because of it. Yeah, it's his birthday and his parents probably should have been there for that.
This film is just plain unrealistic in a very... false way, if that makes any sense. It's like every single stupid decision this guy makes, something is there to make up for it tenfold. The father figure that comes out of nowhere and offers him a meal along with a place to stay, fishing, church, good nature, laughter and chucks all for free. He likes to help guys down on their luck and immediately becomes their savior, no questions asked. With the love-interest and the mob-ties he produces, it all just boils down to, he screwed up a lot but it's okay because... He's the main character.
The Riffs
These are some of the greatest riffs, and yes, that is including Joel episodes as a whole. They point out every single stupid thing about this movie in blatant detail. The mob jokes, the stupid naive kid jokes and everything about the diner situation where the guy immediately let's him into his home, there were just too many golden targets and they hit them every single time.
This movie was practically made to be riffed. Whoever wrote it has no idea how hard-knocked life stories work, nor do they seem to know how practically anything works in the real world. Fantasy is one thing, absurdity just made so many gutbusting riffs. It's honestly hard to even think of any point when the riffs dragged, there was just that much material to work with.
The Episode
The only part that really misses any sort of mark is the Truck Farmer short. The problem with it, while it is well riffed, it is also a little forgettable. However, it is still no real hindrance to the enjoyment for the overall episode. From the skits to the riffs, this is a Best in Show with a diamond or platinum edition. It is a purely classic episode and it deserves to be owned on VHS and DVD. Do not miss this beautiful gem of an episode.
We've got movie sign for yet another revival of MST3K and does it work? Well, if the first episode is any indication, then the answer is an absolute "yes!" Mike and the Bots take to the stage once again as Pearl Forrester and her goons are back in a lower budget version of the movie experiment, brought to you by Syd's Olive Loaf (Oh Boy!) and all kinds of other very strange and MARVELOUS features. There is a lot to cover.
Well, the skits are back with a bang, even if there are very few of them. They come back with a new song too, and they have not lost their edge in doing so. The Tardigrade is a very simple song, especially for MST3K, but our favorite Scifi team bring it with a classic style that we love. I'm sorry, but the Jonah era just did not do it with the same spirit, as good as their songs were.
The new theater hallway is absolutely amazing. The twins going "Come play with us, Mike. Forever and ever" was a stroke of genius, as was the 2001 Space Astronaut that either gives encouragement and consolement to Mike or is too busy hissing in pain. Then, of course, they come at us with the Laserblast aliens at absolute random. We're here for it.
Pearl is probably the one part of this revival that didn't seem to have a great deal of energy to provide to the episode. She does a few good jokes here and there, but overall, she just seemed a little tired. I don't want to go into how the cast has grown a bit toward their twilight years, but she seems to be the only one that is lacking in real status. For Pearl, though, that's not a good thing. We love Mary Jo, and we only want what's best for her. Hopefully, she is in good health.
The Sting of Death
Some scientist guy brings some kids to an island place that is obviously a suburban area. They party, beat up a guy they don't understand, and then get killed by a jellyfish monster!
What makes this movie bad?
Someone thought that they knew what was hip and cool for the era. This is what the young kids think is hip and out of sight. Nope! The writing was horrid, the kids were 30 to 40 years old, and the villain was about as obvious as a missing brain. Everything from the writing to the actiing to the scenes of partying can be used as torture devices. Anytime the kids are out doing the jellyfish or the kongaline, the movie drags like a fork across your face.
Egon cannot be helped as a character. The actor and the director obviously had one direction for him and that was "Kids will make fun of me" or "People just didn't listen to me". His scenes are awkward and his logic is flawed all around. As pointed out, he has a house on an island paradise island and he's doing a job right around his passion of fish and sea life. Seriously, staying away from troublesome 37 year old teenagers shouldn't be a huge ask.
There's a ton of stuff wrong with this movie. Instead of a big, fake looking bruise on that shorty short guy's head, they could have put a bandage over it with less hastle and more budget friendliness. The endless dancing scenes, swimming scenes and boring talking sequences drag this movie straight to the depths, along with the jella jella jella jellyfish!
The Riffs
The riffs are absolute gold standard for both MST3K and Rifftrax. They obviously brought their A material and stuck to the winning formula of riffs. They have a few newstyle riffs of current things, but mostly it's just their normal, timeless jokes that stab this horrifically awful movie into being hilarious. Their riffs on Egon and the bruise-head guy's disturbing shorts were just a hilarious return to form. They wanted a terrible monster movie with an awful costume and they got the absolute greatest of the worst.
The feeling of this movie fit so perfectly with the show that their riffs mingled into masterful stupidity. The stupid characters in this movie and the sheer atrociousness of the special effects are practically begging to be riffed! How easily the people die and how awful lines are delivered, I could go on forever about how TERRIBLE this film is and how it lends itself to every bit of the humor.
The Episode
Please, please let this work and please let us get at least one more good collection of episodes. Thirty, maybe forty episodes shouldn't be a huge thing to ask for but we will be ever so grateful if all four of this new season is a hit. Will that be absolute? No, every season has its weak episode and we cannot put too much pressure to perform. They threw these episodes out like wildfire. It seems like only yesterday, we were funding this new season, and we've already seen a return! Rifftrax having such a good track record and expertise in the field certainly helped.
Whatever happens with this, just this one golden episode is enough to tide us real MST3K fans over. If you haven't seen it and only need a small bit of encouragement, consider it given. This is absolutely a Best in Show rating episode. On to the second episode!
Welcome, welcome! We're starting this new blog out right as we open to the public once again with a new web address and bringing it all under one roof. Planet Virtua, Bloodpool Catacombs, and now Red Tom's Riff Review will now be updated and archived right next to one another. While we're attempting to make new horror posts in the Catacombs, the powers that be decided to move all of the riffing wonderment for all to behold. Mystery Science Theater 3000 has gone through so many ups and downs and ins and outs that it got rather dizzying, as well as rather depressing. The fanbase grew toxic with people who only acted like fans, but were only there to protest the use of the name "Gypsy". Yeah, this is created by a fan for all of the fans, so there will be no censorship of that type here.
Red Tom's Riff Review will catalogue everything, from MST3K to Rifftrax all the way down the line to Cinematic Titanic. Though, it's mostly MST3K and Rifftrax, as well as the brand new MST3K created by Mike and the Bots once again! That's right, we've got a successful rerevival and Red Tom has shown all of the support! We'll be reviewing that first episode shortly and keeping up with the other three in short order afterward. With how awesome the first episode turned out, one can only hope for a great four! Awesome work all around!
We'll be steering into the classic episodes for the time being, while sprinkling in the new episodes here and there. Rifftrax will also be put into the cycle, and there is a very large library to choose from. Red Tom has been supporting Rifftrax since 2010, when there was actual money to spend, and that is not going to be changing anytime soon. Mike and the Bots shined once again and we are only hoping and praying that they intend to keep going with it as a full series.
What happened with MST3K is a bit of a mystery while also being rather obvious. While it was going fairly strong with Netflix, the cracks truly began to show upon their cancellation. Yes, they should have never been cancelled, but no, constantly asking the fans to turn out their pockets every single time you want to create a new season was not the way to go. Obviously, Joel found that out too late, especially when he probably turned around to see how his series had changed and not for the better.
No, no one is blaming Emily Marsh. Her episodes weren't very good, for the most part, but she was also just a product of a very questionable decision to dilute the show with not two, but three hosts all at once. Emily was not a good actress, their voice actors were pretty terrible and their choice in movies was rocky at best. Season 13 was a pretty terrible disappointment, once the theme of the show imploded in its own chaotic creativity, a lot of people saw the writing on the wall.
Obviously, they weren't sustaining themselves properly, and Joel had to fold upon the failure of Season 14 and its crowd funding. It wasn't even close to reaching its goal and the last bunch of episodes really show why. That is not, however, what this site will be focusing on. We're here to celebrate what makes us laugh with the funniest show in TV history. Mystery Science Theater 3000 gave us a voice to make terrible movies funny, and we have a lot of legendary riffers to lead the way. Here's to circulatiing the tapes!
Look, let's hurry, I gotta get back to the Roger Rabbit set.
The Experiment
Yay, Joel's back and yes, that's a good thing. It's just too bad they couldn't bring him back for a better episode.We start off with a very strange explanation as to how they got Joel into the show with J. Elvis Weinstein going to a different dimension a thousand years into the future to bring him back to Kinga for the experiment. It seems like it was just a plot device used more to induce laughs with how absurd it is, but it comes off more confusing and unneeded.
For some reason, they used Emily's bots for this experiment, but then end up setting Tom Servo back to J. Weinstein voice. This idea has some merit, but also comes off as pointless nostalgia bait. This is a tactic we've seen entirely too often in media today and seems more like pandering.
The host segments were pretty terrible. Joel doesn't seem like he's with it at all. In fact, his interactions with the bots are downright stilted. Even the great Joel Hodgeson seems like he needs a bit of settling in before we get the full Joel effect.
Demon Squad
A Paranormal Investigator gets hired to find a dagger and some lady's father. Some other demons are looking for the dagger too and they are all incompetent.
What makes this movie bad?
Where does this movie go right? Out of all of the movies in the new series that gets everything wrong, this one is, by far, the worst. Not because of its actual quality, as bad as that is, but because it doesn't belong. This movie was created in 2019 and while that by itself is not grounds for dismissal, it is missing the charm of an older movie, or the "So bad, it's riffable" quality that so many of these terrible movies have. This movie simply wasn't a good fit.
The worst part about this movie, far and away, is the visual effects. That's visual effects both practical and digital were beyond horrific. The makeup made me cringe my face inside out with how bad it was. It is obvious that they just picked random locations and shoved in people with the cheapest, sloppiest makeup they could get for $2. The lighting was abysmal, the camera angles were either off or entirely too close to what what was going on.
Everything else about this movie is horrific, but just looking at it can possibly cause someone vertigo. This is a movie that belongs on the SyFy channel, not MST3K.
The Riffs
Like a peashooter against a panzer tank, these jokes did not hit. They couldn't get a running gag going, their delivery was stilted and they were practically invisible compared to how bad this movie was. Some of the riffs had a bit of a chuckle to them but then you go back to watching the movie and it just keeps getting worse and more nonsensical if you even attempt to make any sense of it.
The Episode
I hate to say it, believe me, I really, really hate to say it. This episode is worse than Beyond Atlantis. Saying that on the episode that was Joel's return hurts worse than anything else about this disaster. This is the kind of episode that makes you pine for the golden MST3K movies in black and white. Those episodes where the movie was really old, the acting was cheesy and the plotpoints were outdated. That's the kind of movie this season sorely needs rather than this garbage they found at the dollar bin. This is probably one of the few times I will ever say this, but it's better if this episode goes unwatched. Take that advice as you will but don't say I didn't warn you. On to the next, with a sigh.
So far, I have not been very impressed with the invention exchanges this season. This one was really no different. The way Max didn't want another dollar bill was quite humorous, though.
The real star host segment this time around was when Emily Marsh was performing magic through her bowling ball. This isn't exactly a unique idea, but they pulled it off rather well, especially with the tennant complaints. The silver medal goes to the shimihypnotize segment.
Doctor Mordrid
Dr. Str... Mordrid is fighting back an evil wizard with magic and more magic. Then there's even more magic with as little special effects as possible. Dr. Mordrid talks to some blue eyes.
What makes this movie bad?
Where to start? First of all, Marvel was very much correct to pull the plug on this disaster. If there is a real smoking gun for this movie, it would have to be the script. This dialogue and these characters are so poorly written, I swear I forget any of them exist between each viewing. The fact that the raven is named Edgar should give you an idea of the creativity you're about to endure.
Mordrid himself is about as forgettable and boring as it gets. You couldn't write a more boring character if you tried! He's such a gigantic Gary Stu that he literally uses his magic to avoid being slightly inconvenianced. Mordrid can even predict when things are about to happen, yet he does nothing to prevent it because it would be too easy. I'd hate him so much if it weren't for the fact that he's just adorably clueless and milquetoast in his demeanor. Let's be honest, the villain wasn't much better. In fact, he was a little more pathetic.
Beyond that, this movie is really not all that terrible. The acting is a joke, but it's not as bad as Carnival Magic. The Special Effects are garbage, but they don't usually out stay their welcome... usually. As MST3K films go, it's pretty standard stupidity and the camp is pretty funny.
The Riffs
Ahhh, is that a breath of fresh air I feel? Is my hope for the future returning? Yes! These riffs were such a huge improvement! I was laughing more than once at just about every scene. Some of these riffs were solid gold! For certain, as far as I'm concerned, it really looks like Emily's debut appearance was a fluke. This movie's stupidity was ripe for the riffing and they nailed just about every joke. If this is more telling of their future riffs, then I am definitely on board with the Simulation of Love.
The Episode
A star episode for season 13, by far! With the mixture of great riffs and pure cheese, this was a reaffirmation of the Gizmoplex itself. I'm really hoping to see more of this from Emily and her crew, because they must have settled into the show proper pretty fast. The host segments are still a bit of a mess and the green screen hasn't become any more appealing. Still, solid hit!
There was more effort in making the pizza than this movie.
The Experiment
The host segments still aren't great, but at least the cutting off Jonah's oxygen scene was an interesting look at Kinga's capabilities of evil. It was actually a very nice show of her cruelty, which has been lacking lately.
It is strange seeing Mary Jo Pehl playing a Pearl that wants to get back in touch with her granddaughter. It's not a terrible thing, but it's hard to tell if this is what we really wanted.
Munchie
A kid makes wishes from an entity that plays... tricks... and he's not creepy at all. The movie is not creepy and no one in it is creepy at all. Especially when you think that this is a kid's movie, but I digress!
What makes this movie bad?
This movie is beyond awful, it is a shock to the system! Everything in this movie is done beyond completely wrong! This movie ups the creepy meter on all fronts, it is astounding! Munchie is another example of no one other than Mel Brooks being able to make Dom Deluise funny in any sense. It takes a moment, but once you get over the brunt force of this start, you begin to get ahold of the stupid slapstick atmosphere in this... whatever it is. It's like this movie actually succeeds in being terrible because that was its main goal.
Dom Deluise is struggling with this awful dialogue and it's obvious that whoever was controlling the puppet had no idea how to do so. The fact that he's a puppet is ever present. He obviously knew how terrible this movie was and he did nothing with the role as a result.
The Riffs
This episode has its ups and downs, but there are some great moments. The best one happens to be when Munchie actually shows up in the movie. While their normal riff is rather good, there are some valleys that come along with the spikes in quality. The real problem is that the movie is worse than Pod People, and that's got to come with some star quality riffs. This episode does not deliver that. It's funny, but not that funny.
The Episode
The movie drags the quality of this episode down big time! The scenes in this movie are just painful to watch. Sometimes the riffing hits the mark, but sometimes it falls flat against the dumpster fire that is the Deluise Puppet Nightmare. There's only so much you can take with such horrific acting and awkward direction. Even as you get used to the movie's terrible quality, it just sinks so far down that even MST3K's power of riffing pales in comparison just a little too much. Let's call this one a bronze medal.
I tried very hard to keep a positive outlook on the idea of changing the host in the middle of a season. The whole idea sounded lousy but keeping a healthy dose of optimism is always key to enjoying your favorite show.
My optimism was crushed and my fears were all realized in full. Every single problem I foresaw coming was seen throughout the entire episode. The host segments in this episode were absolutely atrocious. I found myself skipping through them without even realising I was doing it. The acting is bad, even by MST3K standards. Emily Marsh doesn't seem interested in carrying the scenes, so much as she is wanting to end the scenes as fast as possible.
No one seems like they're even trying to seem excited. This is understandable, seeing how their first episode was in Season 13, when the sets were green screened and everything is geared down.
Beyond Atlantis
Some bad guys are trying to get rich by selling pearls and looking at old islands. They run into bug-eyed sea people or something.
What makes this movie bad?
Ev-er-y-thing. This movie is stuffed with a vague plot, paperthin characters and a whole bunch of womanizing. Nothing is interesting, everything is dull and there's swimming. Lot's and lot's of swimming. Subplots are stacked on subplots and you never get a sense of any accomplishment. All of the reveals that were supposed to be dramatic were shown already. Every man is an ass and there are pearls somewhere.
The Riffs
Just like pearls among oysters, the good ones are rare. With how terrible this movie is, the fact that the riffs induced only smiles and maybe one small chuckle really drives the hammer onto the thumb. The real problem is that their delivery was rather stilted and the riffs weren't great to begin with. It seems like they had entirely different writers along with the different hosts.
The Episode
This episode ranges among the worst in the entire series. It's not just the terrible riffs, the worse movie and the hosts that are in dire need of settling in. It's also the fact that the gender politics are in full glaring view. With all of the woke material in media these days, it's very disheartening to see that MST3K had gotten into the same pitfall. This show has never been in favor of womanizing, in fact, they point at the idea and shame it openly. This episode was so straightforward and the writing was so attached to The Message that watching it was just plain rough. This episode is not only deserving of an Aluminum Medal, it is also downright depressing.
Once again! We're back with 13th season and, once again, we have the content that is green screened and not a great bunch of host segments.
However, there is one host segment that did stand out among the rest as being pretty good. When there comes a cool EXTREME 90's Jonah and a cool 90's theme world "commercial", anyone who was a part of that era will more than likely at least have a smile.
Beyond that, we see Tom Servo's current Jonah host voice, Baron Vaughn, in his most prominent real person role. This really does not go well. His dialogue is stilted, his performance is lack-luster and it's a terrible attempt at an introduction to the new hostess for the next episode, Emily Marsh.
Robot Wars
In a dystopian future, civilization is rather vague and we use big robots to get across wastelands. Another faction is attempting to take over this new civilization through these big robots and more vague things happen in an old abandoned city.
What makes this movie bad?
Most of this movie is based around unlikeable characters, objectifying damsels in distress, terrible special effects and even worse acting. The main protagonist is among some of the worst in MST history. That includes Death Stalker, Max Keller, Mitchell and that one guy from Castleton. Not only is he intolerable, but the female co-star and her partner are supposed to be attracted to him. We're supposed to buy that? Their dialogue is beyond stilted and awful!
The rest of the movie is filler. There's supposed to be some war going on with our so-called "civilization" that we never see and we're given scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
There's supposed to be some kind of plot beyond all of this about government corruption and cover-ups, but that's all about as shallow as a misty puddle. The plot is only brought up when they need something convenient to talk about to pad a scene. When it all comes together, the film is a gigantic mess.
The Riffs
These are by far the best thing about the entire episode. They go so far as to actually save the entire experiment and make it an actual moderately good episode. As bad as the movie is, it is off set quite well by our host and the bots. Though, there are a few references that are a bit out of character for MST3K as a whole, it's still spot on timing and delivery.
The Episode
Not the strongest experiment around. It's got some golden riffs, but everything around these riffs are very mediocre and/or bland. The movie to riff ratio is shakey, given the film's quality. When I say our protagonist is bad, some of his scenes are borderline unwatchable. All in all, it's one you could come back to, but as for top 10 lists, you're probably not going to see this one very much. This is probably a good, solid bronze medal.
We begin this experiment with the brand new theme song and title sequence. While it is nice to see Tom Servo flexing his ever present musical talent, it is not especially great. The effects they use, the fanfare they add to it and just about all of the visuals don't really add much of anything to an already great theme. It comes off a bit like they were trying too hard.
Then we see what happens when a pandemic hits and they are forced to adjust the way they create the host segments. It shows. They literally green screen everything and sadly MST3K has always been cheap in its effects and nowhere is that more visible than in these skits. You can see the struggle they went through and you can see how it makes these segments very awkward.
The good notes are that we get to see the new Gizmoplex in the form of the Kingadome. We also get to see all of the cambots we will be seeing a lot of in the future. Beyond that, it's a bit unforunate that they were forced to reach such depths because of this problem the world is having. I am not blaming them, nor am I going to deduct points from the episode as a result. The real point is the movie and the riffing thereof.
Santo in the Treasure of Dracula
El Santo sends a woman back in time to a previous life in order for her to find Dracula's treasure. What they don't know is that they are putting her in great danger, and a man in a black mask is moving to thwart them. Then they wrestle.
What makes this movie bad?
First and foremost, as bad as the dubbing is, our hero and Mexican celebrity legend is religated down to a spectator for the first part of his own movie. We literally sit there and watch this seemingly different film play out like one of those old Hammer films to watch a Vampire Hunter take down Count Drac-- I mean, "Alucard". For a while, it appears that Santo will be doing nothing other than watching things play out. Thankfully, they bring it back to the current timeline and Santo plays more of a main role.
Our side villain, the black mask man, comes out of nowhere and appears randomly. Then, after some of the worst build up, he becomes a main player and starts screwing up Santo's plan. This is awkward to say the least because he is rather pathetic as villains go. Alucard himself is rather pitiful as well, so the villain element in this movie is severely lacking.
The Riffs
The riffs in this episode are golden! It is clear that they took the criticism to heart and slowed the riffing down to a more leisurely pace. They have some great riffs going for this movie. It is definitely refreshing and invokes a great deal of relief to see that they put such care with the jokes. With Santo and Dracula, they put their best foot forward and showed us there is nothing to worry about, the riffing is still great.
The great part is that it's just so easy to riff. Santo at the TV, the forced wrestling subplot, the terrible development and blatantly reused sets. It all culminated in a movie that begged to be riffed.
The Episode
Segment problems aside, this was a solid riff. With such a silly movie, it's almost impossible not to laugh. It's also got a lot of nostalgic qualities, as with Samson vs the Vampire Women, it's always fun to see a silver masked guy take down a bunch of bloodsuckers. The unwarranted wrestling, the terrible chroeography and the on-time riffing mixes very well together. Now we are ready to begin this season anew! I'll be covering them along the way, don't you worry.
The greatest, dumbest movie MST3K has ever riffed, according to me. I love how they strike at every single horrible detail that is bad about this movie! The movie makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever but somehow it got itself on video. Some of the mistakes it makes are so common sense, it's like the director did it all blindfolded! With different types of werewolf transformations, from humans with fangs to full on bear-dog costumes or just a nonsensical accent guy with changing hair color, its ineptitude knows no bounds. It's absolutely fascinating!
Favorite Riff: Oh lovely! Two for one Green Hammers tonight, Martha!
Favorite Skit: Tom turns into a Were-Mike!
Deadly Bees
A nameless British mystery that was extremely easy to figure out. The plot didn't make sense and the characters were stupid and grungy. But the bees are hilarious! Mike and the Bots do great riffs on the old woman and the depressing man. The movie is so mediocre and boring, but for some reason, the riffing on it was so on point that it became a serious laugh riot. An unpopular opinion, but it's still #2!
Favorite Riff: We blame you Hargrove.
Favorite Skit: He Will Stay!
Red Zone Cuba
The worst directed movie by the worst director ever! Their stupidity and aimless droning is perfect material for jokes! Without MST3K this movie would be absolutely impossible to watch, but with their commentary it can be watched over and over again. Coleman Francis definitely outdid himself with this one. Just remember to water your thirsty sick man.
Favorite Riff: That's a weird stain
Favorite Skit: The Lotto!
Master Ninja I
Oh, where to begin? This episode is watchable just for the loud and clumsy fight segments, and how nutty and stupid both Lees' characters are! The old ninja and the hamster owner go places and piss random people off. Oh and twenty minutes of training obviously merits the High School drop out to go kissing all of the girls he comes in contact with but then ends up spaz chopping the bad guy and somehow winning.
Favorite Riff: My Tooth Brush "Which could rip a man's teeth out."
Favorite Skit: The ninja theme song battle
Final Justice
Beefy, Chunky justice in its best! Their non-stop fat jokes surprisingly never got old on this one! I couldn't believe how badly this movie was made, and how well they caught onto every single good riff that hit the nail right on the head! I loved all of the Maltese Male jokes, probably most of all.
Favorite Riff: Watch my back "Watch it jiggle as I move!!"
Favorite Skit: Mike's Falling!
Track of the Moon Beast
This aimless, nameless Paul was a terribly pulled off monster. The best part was probably the Johnny Longbone riffs, as well as the dumb bimbo blonde jokes. But of course we can never forget "California Laaaady!" There's good riffs all over this movie and the skits in between the movie are really just as good.
Favorite Riff: I'm boring and my slide show eats.
Favorite Skit: Lets Batter and deep fry it!
Cave Dwellers
Another horribly thought up super hero of the middle... prehistoric... Anglo Saxon age? The best riffs of course come from the dumb henchmen and gay looking villain. But then there are harder to listen to places, like the speeches of the "Great One."
Favorite Riff: It's speedy delivery guy, and has he got a package!
Favorite Skit: TV review of the movie
Riding with Death
An incoherent hero anyway you put it. This guy apparently does random government work that none of the other agents want to do, and somehow he succeeds where incompetent agents fail. Then there's this woman that happens to be.... places. The riffs are perfect to show the terrible villains and "good guys" of this terribly made "MOVIE."
Favorite Riff: You've got mail-AAHH!!!
Favorite Skit: Tom's a trucker
Jack Frost
The first Russian movie I saw MST3K do, my mother hated it but I loved it to death! The stupid dubbing and the dumb looking costumes just goes perfectly with MST3K! I especially love the scenes with Ivan bear. The witch, Baba Yaga, of course, tops off everything very nicely because of her wondrous dances and... interesting songs. This episode was just laughing at a mile a minute.
Favorite Riff: They're swimming in my chili! The little creeps!
Favorite Skit: Michael Nelson is lord of the dance
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Fingal, you are mine!!!! This is a very shocking movie indeed. To see Raul Julia in such a terrible film is beyond anything I could have imagined. I could not hold my laughter during the parts with the fat man jokes, they were too damn good! Oh but no one can forget "My nuts!"
Favorite Riff: To Wendy's!
Favorite Skit: Mike Dopples Tom's Fingal
Puma Man
Could there be a worse excuse for a super hero? No, I doubt there can be. I understand having fun with a super hero, and some super heroes can pull it off. But this guy just got really really lucky and wussed his way out of a lot of the real danger, leaving it up to others to solve his really tough problems. The riffs in this one are seriously ground-breaking, mostly because of how well they went with the stupidity of the premise. Oh and they let Mr. Evil Cue Ball Donald have it, big time, and with much laughter.
Favorite Riff: We must find him, and kill him. "Or send him a cease and desist letter."
Favorite Skit: Kawatamundi Man!
The Sword and the Dragon
A hilarious episode!! The movie actually wasn't that terrible of a movie, but that still does not take away from the greatness in the MST3K performance. The dubs and scripts were terrible enough to give them plenty to riff on and the stupid idiotic villain was perfect material!
Favorite Riff: These pants have awoken something deep inside me!
Favorite Skit: Gypsy's song
Parts: The Clonus Horror
Did you want some stupid clones talking about stupid things and finding beer cans in rivers? Well, the Clonus Horror has your fix! Seriously, this movie is awful from start to finish. The riffing is absolutely solid from start to finish and I couldn't recommend this episode more. The acting is amazingly bad and Peter Graves is going to be president. Next, on Biography!
Favorite Riff: Good evening, Mr. Lump.
Favorite Skit: Agua? Agua...
Beast of Yucca Flats
Coleman Francis strikes! And this time his strike is terrible, perhaps just as terrible as his gasser, Red Zone Cuba. Once again, our boys are given so much material to work with, it's amazing they didn't blow a gasket. Though the children's dialog was quite hard to sit through, the Tor jokes had me completely rolling, as was the cringy "dialog" and HORRIBLE narration. I swear, this movie had problems on a completely different level.
Favorite Riff: Get off my land, you credits!
Favorite Skit: Frank, I'm going to slap you now, and I may never stop
Space Mutiny
Ah, good old Reb Brown and his horrible shrieks of terror. This movie has a special breed of villains and heroes in it, both stupid and completely pathetic at the same time! I could not handle myself on the Santa Claus jokes, as well as the old lady jokes with our... middle-aged heart throb.
Favorite Riff: I've got your mother!
Favorite Skit: Crow and Tom's space battle and Mike's Tea Party!
Final Sacrifice
So, there's this vague cult that comes to revive some stupid ritual. It's up to a drunk and a wormy kid to save the Earth from these hooded thugs. Perhaps one of the worst adventure movies ever made, mostly because the legend was so terribly thought up and executed. My top riffs had to be the ones about the wuss kid and "Rowsdower". But then there's also the cult's leader, the guy whose voice sounds nothing like he looks. Overall, a stellar episode!
Favorite Riff: Oh he exploded before they could shoot him.
Favorite Skit: Tom and Crow start a "cult"
Time Chasers
A movie that makes no sense and does not properly follow any time-continuum. The hero is seriously out of his league, but for some reason he is able to avoid being shot or beaten to death by any of the thugs of Evil Co. JK Robertson has a lot of the great riffs, however Nick and Pink Boy were perhaps my favorite on the show. This one is seriously good!
Favorite Riff: And oil spills are a memory. "A good memory."
Favorite Skit: Crow's encounter with 80's Mike!
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom
You will believe that Kor can't conquer squat! Thom Christopher is back as his old villainous self who can't be smart for one second and can't take down some whiny kid lost in a forest. This movie is cute in how terrible it is and the riffing behind it is top notch. Some of the best riffs come from Kor, but the very best is reserved for every fight scene in the movie. Fantasy idiocy at its finest.
Favorite Riff: Come back here, you fricken idiot!
Favorite Skit: Ray teaches Tom about magic, with a song!
The Incredible Melting Man
One horribly pulled off horror/monster movie. It lacks in substance, characters, story, development and acting! Usually when people die on a space ship, it can't get back to Earth, so there shouldn't really have been a melting guy in the first place. I think their riffs on the main character's stupidity was probably the best part, along with the Citrus-loving old people.
Favorite Riff: He's on roller skates!
Favorite Skit: Dr. Forrester Surveying the audience.
Prince of Space
Even without the crappy dubbing, this movie is still pretty damn bad! Along with the dubbing it makes for a perfectly good MST3K! The riffs on the Phantom and the kids had to be the biggest laugh-riots in this episode by far! At the end of the movie, the riffs on the old scientist guys were even better. Though there are places in this movie that suck a little too bad, it's still enjoyable!
Favorite Riff: After that dog!
Favorite Skit: Mike is a Puppet!
Last of the Wild Horses
A movie with more stupid coincidences and stupid characters than you could ever ask for. Everything that happens is contrived and all logic is thrown right out the window. Mike and the bots pick up on this perfectly and the riffing is brilliant! This also marks the episode where Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank sit in the theater and do the first few rounds of riffing. Amazing episode!
Favorite Riff: Quit giving me pee!
Favorite Skits: Evil Mike and Evil Crow
Girl in Gold Boots
We keep asking ourselves why we're following this girl around in the first place, and then the movie trails off into a police department robbery! The music in this movie completely sucks and really gets annoying after a while, but at least the riffs kicked major ass. This one has Critter and Icky Elf that really do great jobs in giving good jokes!
Favorite Riff: Cause I secrete oil?!
Favorite Skit: MADNESS!
Escape 2000
Now when you know to leave the Bronx, you can leave the Bronx. Seriously, what other movie can make overacting Italians seem like they're at least doing an entertaining job (IE, Toblerone). Trash is quite a weirdo hero, and the woman who is not hot at all has a voice that grates against any ear. I loved watching the disinfestation riffs along with the silver-men riffs all throughout.
Favorite Riff: He died as he died, dead.
Favorite Skit: Pearl is rescued by Toblerone.
Hobgoblins
Stupid, idiotic, and downright sadistic in many ways. Hobgoblin was a movie that was purposely bad just so that he would have a new movie out in stores mimicking Gremlins. The monsters were obviously puppets and the humor was dryer than a damn bucket of dust. One of the worst movies they have ever done. Which only adds to the greatness of the episode itself. There are too many targets to count. Every running gag, every character and every scene has some sort of greatness attached to it!
Favorite Riff: He tried to crowd surf but no one wanted to touch him.
Favorite Skit: Cardboard cut outs
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell
Desperately terrible in many ways. It's good to give your hero flaws (as seen in Pumaman) but Deathstalker takes this concept way too far. He is an arrogant douche that can't get over himself. The villain is no better, but the boys put on an awesome show with great riffs on almost every silly scene (especially the ones that go over the top in stupidity).
Favorite Riff: More snot meat anyone?
Favorite Skit: Making the ring of power.
The Screaming Skull
A movie that wasn't really so bad, it just didn't know how to do horror very well. Still, the riffing in this one had no business being so damn good! Mickey was a prime target for jokes, as was the wife's over reactions to literally everything. The Gumby Short, Robot Rump....us... is the best in show!
Favorite Riff: That squares my breasts!
Favorite Skit: No! Mike! Crow is a skull!
Starcrash
If you were looking for a classy, well made science fiction epic, you are in the wrong place. This is probably one of the more poorly written movies in both plot and dialogue. They call it out in every area that it doesn't make sense and it is a serious laugh riot. While not as good a riff as Space Mutiny, this is one of their better scifi episodes.
Favorite Riff: I'm good at space
Favorite Skit: The ending laser battle
The Giant Spider Invasion
Why was everything in this movie so disgustingly grimy? The Spider, the scientists, and the rednecks. The riffs in this one left me rolling, especially on old Skipper! It tries to amount itself to Jaws, but it fell short by about 1000 miles to the south. The riffs really smite this movie a good one, and really does a good job in explaining the layers of dirt and filth that line its every corner.
Favorite Riff: Then add the ribs.
Favorite Skit: Crow has a lot of caffeine
Mitchell
Our early look at Joe Don Baker, and the stupidity of making him a star of anything. The movie changes plots and jumps from villain to villain to villain until you stop caring about their names, and MST3K covers the confusion beautifully. This one is probably one of my very first with Joel in it (not as good as Cavedwellers though).
Favorite Riff: Stop or my heart will explode!
Favorite Skit: Mike activating the escape pod
The Brain that Wouldn't Die
Mike's debut riffing! Great episode all around! The disembodied head and the terrible "scientists" are good enough for riffing material, but this episode goes all out in every area! So put on some neck juice and get those deformed arms ready for some terrible monster fun!
Favorite Riff: I'm in another dimension hooo!!
Favorite Skit: Mike's story
Zombie Nightmare
Wow, where to begin: The hysterically stupid voodoo woman, or the zombie and the
terrible excuse for youth back in those days. With no acting better than Adam West's, the film is stiflingly painful, but the boys pull it off wonderfully, especially with most of the dumber parts (which is 80% of the film, give or take).
Favorite Riff: Is she part shee-e-e-e-eeep?
Favorite Skit: Bat Tom and Mike Robin.
Santa Claus
Would you like to see Santa's sweat shop, never adhering to child labor laws? How about Santa fighting an effeminate devil? No? Well, then don't watch this experiment. Actually, do watch this one because it is a laugh riot! Santa and that devil are golden material for their relentless riffs! This episode is a treasure trove with a lot to love.
Favorite Riff: If seasonal holiday depression has a soundtrack, this is it
Favorite Skit: Spilling hot coffee on Crow
Manos: The Hands of Fate
What can be said? This has to be their very very top worst movie they have ever done. I didn't mean for it to be so low on my list, I do love it, but for some strange reason it's not the episode I think of when I think "MST3K". I do love Torgo, and the Master was a good source of laughs. This episode just got way too dry way too fast.Still, this one still remains in my heart.
Favorite Riff: Pull! My finger!
Favorite Skit: Joel is the Master
This Island Earth
The movie was a great source of MST3K in my early years of fandom. I do love to keep this one close to me at all times, because it is a very colorful, densely humored "episode". I love it when they make riffs on Joe at the beginning, then the ones they did for the big-headed alien guys. Beyond that, I loved the mu-tant.
Favorite Riff: Cal! Cal! I'm Stuck! AAH---
Favorite Skit: Tom searches his room.
Cry Wilderness
The very worst of all the annoying kids in Mystery Science Theater! This kid would not shut up about his SECRET friendship with Bigfoot and his father was inconsequential in keeping him in line. This movie was the biggest return to form in Season 11 and it really showed them taking on a terribly repugnant movie with style and grace. The quality of the riffs cancel out the quality of the movie beautifully! Great episode.
Favorite Riff: Like I said I'm not high but my dog is and I am!
Favorite Skit: Laughing raccoons
Skydivers
Coleman Francis is a great source of laughs, no matter how much money he throws at a movie. He still loves coffee, and his movie grammar and action sequences lack any sign of life of any kind. There are plenty of great riffs in this one, and there's a lot of great stupid people with stupid things to say. Though it is the best movie Coleman Francis ever did.
Favorite Riff: So how long have you liked coffee?
Favorite Skit: The industrial arts!
The Undead
Wow, Roger Corman has problems, and that's an understatement. There was so much horrible dialog in this one, it was like every single scene they knew exactly how to make themselves look like total idiots. I loved how they riffed on the wimpy-ass guards and knights in all of these scenes. The digger Smolkin is by far the best part of all the riffs! As well as "noweth" which describes a lot of this movie's intelligence. The devil was the biggest cringe factor out of everything, and that's saying something.
Favorite Riff: Smolkin's naked sometimes, Mike.
Favorite Skit: Digger Smolkin's record.
Mac and Me
One of the more infamous movies was the first to be part of a six episode marathon gauntlet. This was a tough one to get through, but the riffing tackled such a problem. The alien's completely terrible effects and the blatant McDonald's and Coca Cola advertising are riffed to the very max. Terrible everything is prominent in this film, acting, effects and dialogue and all of it is fully retaliated!
Favorite Riff: You know what a Royale with Cheese is in America?
Favorite Skit: Evil McDonald's party with evil Gypsy Grimace
Leech Woman
Ah, good old Leech Woman. I have watched this episode many times and on many occasions. I loved the animal footage riffs, as well as the African tribe riffs. This one had me rolling many times throughout it, and it made me want to chug a whole lot of whiskey! This was the episode where I got use to Bill Corbett as Crow. This was also the first episode I saw the nanites in!
Favorite Riff: The bar? Are we there yet?
Favorite Skit: Prairie Dog vacuum.
Danger! Death Ray
Bart Fargo Bart Fargo Bart Fargo! When you thought that this was just another James Bond ripoff, it shows you that the laser was made for PEACEFUL purposes and lays your worries to rest. This is about a generic a spy flick as there is, but Mike and the bots give it that good spice of riffs that makes it all worth a watch. Do not miss the destruction of many cameras!
Favorite Riff: Danger! Eye bags
Favorite Skit: Tom's laser for peaceful purposes!
Invasion of the Neptune Men
Yet another look at our friends in Japan. Only this time it is under the pitiful control of the most annoying and useless aliens. Space Chief is probably the best source of riffs, and so is the Hitler Building! The fight scenes are laughable by themselves, and the children are perhaps the best source in the entire show! This movie should have never seen the light of day.
Favorite Riff: Go Panthers!
Favorite Skit: The return of Krankor!
Terror from the year 5000
What do you do to pad out an entire movie with no intrigue and no interesting characters? Well, not much, that is for sure. Still, the characters were just dumb enough to be perfect riff material. Their predicament was even better for the gags, so we should all be happy about this!
Favorite Riff: The riveting and action packed accommodations scene!
Favorite Skit: Crow goes back in time with Mike's family
Gunslinger
Roger Corman, what else needs to be said? The riffs in this were awesome! The buildings in this western were poorly planned out and it was hysterical when we get to see how stupid the characters really are. Roger Corman is such an easy target for MST3K, and it's hard to tell why he has had such a long career.
Favorite Riff: Cue the Horses
Favorite Skit: The coffins
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
When your movie is too stupid to live but is also the perfect storm of cringe, you get this strange concoction of a film. Droppo and Santa and Droppo as Santa had to be fuel for the best riffs! The Martians were cheesy and no one had any acting ability. That's an old Christmas movie for you, afterall.
Favorite Riff: What's in the pipe, Santa?
Favorite Skit: Patrick Swayze Christmas Song
The Wild Wild World of Batwoman
It is awesome to know that there are such things as these pieces of crap. It gives people hope of having a fine career of some kind. The riffing in this is great, I love how the stupidity was captured just perfectly. The character Rat Fink had to be one of the dumbest characters ever, but their riffing on him was sublime. The stupidity of this movie has to be on a calibre of a mortar cannon if Jaws were a glock.
Favorite Riff: It's like we're smart but we're not
Favorite Skit: Frank's nuclear hair styler
Warrior of the Lost World
A movie that makes less sense is hard to find. Why in the hell was this whiny little idiot the "chosen one". This guy is insufferable and a terrible lead for the resistance, let alone this awful movie. Once again we have our bald little villain. All of the plot twists in this were the work of pure idiocy, and there were no characters that caught any interest what so ever.
Favorite Riff: We're bad mothers
Favorite Skit: Crow picks up the Warrior of the Lost World
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2
Yet another sequel that has nothing to do with the first one other than the same title and same genre. The movie is pretty terrible, but David Carradine is not only the best part but also produces the best riffs. Tyor and the old wizard also come up with fantastic riff fuel, so there's a lot to enjoy in this experiment.
Favorite Riff: It's a Sub Zero Family Reunion!
Favorite Skit: Movie recommendations
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonder
I am all about this episode. I love this episode to the fullest extent! It's low on this list but pay no attention to that! The riffs are absolute classic, and deserve to be higher on my list, but I don't feel like changing it. The killer monkey was a great source of jokes, as well as Merlin's stupid shop of Mystical Crap.
Favorite Riff: Remember to believe in magic, or I'll kill you
Favorite Skit: Tom in the phone booth and Crow on a fish.
The Magical Voyage of Sinbad
Such a great piece of Russo-Finnish crap! Some of the greatest riffs came from Tripod and that stupid emperor guy from Arabia. Some parts of this were just wacky beyond belief, such as him going down to the water kingdom and somehow not drowning, or when they get the weirdo bird. However, the greatest part of all was the try-outs for joining his crew. A very solid episode.
Favorite Riff: Where he had a magic BM
Favorite Skit: The meeting of the beards
The Day the Earth Froze
A very recent addition to my collection as I just recently watched it. I loved how they got the word Sampo from this one, and I loved the riffs they did with all of the trolls. Though I hate to admit it, this movie was actually pretty cool. I liked how the blacksmith could even make a giant red horse from fire, and how even attempted to make a second sun without burning himself into cinders. The witch also grabbed a lot of laughs from me. This episode completely rocks!
Favorite Riff: Quack quack quack quack
Favorite Skit: What is a Sampo?
Radar Secret Service
Boring! Dear lord this movie is so boring it makes black and white look more exciting by comparison. However, not only is this stupid radar based police force a great source of riffs, but so is the short preceding it! There are a lot of genuine laughs here, even when you don't really know what's going on or why things are happening.
Favorite Riff: That cop didn't say we couldn't do intensely stupid things!
Favorite Skit: Why don't they look?
Outlaw
Oh, how stupid of a movie could you possibly make without looking just outright silly? Well this movie just drives to the limit, and GUNS IT! The director obviously just wanted every single character to have no form of real human intellect, nor do they have anything interesting to talk about. Then there is the barrage of ASSES that they SPLASH across the screen many many times with men wearing the shortest skirts. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, as I have not yet mentioned Cabet's "friend" from Earth, he was the absolute MEANING of cringe and annoyance. I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it at this. I almost passed out laughing.
Favorite Riff: Okily Dokily Do!
Favorite Skit: Breastical Boobical!
Squirm
Ah yes, worms and more worms. The main hero is an antique-hunting dork and the rest of the characters are hicks and dumbass rednecks. The very best riffs come from the mother and that weirdo worm salesman's son. Though it is not as bad of a movie as they usually do, the riffs are still just as entertaining.
Favorite Riff: Arr, I am a pirate
Favorite Skit: Crow in high heels
Pod People
Oh, wow. This movie was so damn stupid that it actually made this episode more enjoyable. Pod People is just up and down cooky and the riffs are absolutely dead-on. These kids and people are damn stupid, and their stupidity is just begging to be riffed! Then there's the snorkle creature... things. Anyway, this is definitely one for the books.
Favorite Riff: You can do stupid things!
Favorite Skit: Tom is a snorkle thing!
The Magic Sword
Ah, Bert I. Gordon, not a bad special effects guy, but he's a horrible director all around. Though I will admit this is a better movie than that horrid giant kids movie . But this movie was stupid enough to keep me intent on the riffs. These weirdo characters are absolute gems to get poked at. Not to mention the horrid accents that the knights have, can't anyone actually get someone who sounds like their nationality? No... I suppose not.
Favorite Riff: You're going to Disney Land!
Favorite Skit: Basil Rathbones
Bride of the Monster
This should have gone way up on my list. Ed Wood, yeah, take him in. Tor is probably the best one to get poked at constantly. The acting in this one is just perfect for the Satellite of Love! There is not a good bit of dialog in the movie, most all of it is just downright WRONG!!! But oh well, it all boils down to "He tampered in God's Domain."
Favorite Riff: It's a sinister day in the laboratory
Favorite Skit: We really tampered in God's domain!
Future War
Indeed, this was not the future, and it is not a war. I mean stupid take after horrible scene, after enormous gaping plotholes GALORE! I mean seriously, they had to cover places in boxes? Couldn't they at least put up some wallpaper or something? The fight scenes were absolutely riffed to the max with the most hysterical lines and dead-on accuracy! I mean this episode is hard to fathom for more reasons than one.
Favorite Riff: Packers!
Favorite Skit: Tom's kick boxing.
I Accuse My Parents
There is no contest. The young man in this movie is by far the character who fuels everything that is a riff in this episode. The girlfriend's songs and the mobster guys are great and all, but this guy accusing his parents takes the entire cake. Do not miss out on this episode. If you do, you are depriving yourself of a legendary title in the MST3K collection.
Favorite Riff: Thank God I'm white!
Favorite Skit: You're supposed to give us a hamburger and fries!
Samson vs the Vampire Women
El Santo is horribly dubbed and constantly slamming vampire wrestlers. This one is great! The villains are so incompetent that it is almost like any one with a brain could kill a vampire in a fight. The fighting of course has to be the peak of every single riff moment in this film! That and the vampire women along with their henchmen gotta be the comedy gold!
Favorite Riff: Be sure to stop by tomorrow, and then leave immediately!
Favorite Skit: Our Chinese Food!
Attack of the Killer Shrew
When you don't want your movie to go anywhere or do anything for the majority of its runtime, this is the movie for you! These little dog creatures and copious amounts of booze supply all of your riffing needs! This is an underappreciated episode and while it's not for everyone, it is definitely worth giving a try.
Favorite Riff: Heeee was Mr. Eeedddd
Favorite Skit: The do nothing, go nowhere board game
Earth vs The Spider
Good old campy giant monster movies, I did love these. Though it's not a great big film, it is worth watching a few times on occasion. You had to love how stupid some of these people were, and how girlfriends can get near death experiences on a daily basis! Earthlings came off as weaklings that don't have a militia of any kind that could take down a giant tarantula. They did alright, considering.
Favorite Riff: Whoa! Someone must have puked big time! I'll get extra saw dust.
Favorite Skit: We are Spidor!
Devil Doll
The movie is grimy, disturbing and boring and the villain is a pig! However, they let this movie have it on all fronts, especially the dummy. Hugo is the highlight of this entire experiment and the riffs will have you laughing. The more repugnant parts of the movie need to be overlooked, though.
Favorite Riff: How many maggots am I gagging?
Favorite Skit: You're an ugly dummy, Miko
Giant Gila Monster
Again, not the best listed episode, but it had a good charm to most of it. It was fun seeing a Gila break toys and watching drunk guys being... well... stupid. The songs that kid came up with had to be the lamest crap but it was alright seeing the characters hum and sing it at random times through the series, so there's a notable part of MST history. Then there's the fan picture that named Crow "Art".
Favorite Riff: Who put Sodie Pop in my Sodie Pop?
Favorite Skit: Leg up blocking video.
Soultaker
This badguy was lame, I mean really lame, as only Joe can deliver. Then there was the dumb girl who obviously had her way with the script and put the camera on her complexion. Then there was the airhead boy who had no common sense what-so-ever. There were a lot of riffable moments here in this stinker, and what can I say about the drug addict idiot?
Favorite Riff: This door is ragging on me like my idiot dead friend!
Favorite Skit: Return of Frank!
Angel's Revenge
Greydon Clark really out did himself with this stinker. This movie makes Final Justice look like a harrowing cop drama of high quality. Every man in this movie is either hungering after women or are so stupid it hurts. The dialogue is laughable and Jack Palance is literally the only high note this movie ever makes. The jokes are absolutely side splitting, though and if you can look past the movie's awful nature, you can have a lot of fun with this one.
Favorite Riff: It's girls! We're ruined! Our empire is crumbling!
Favorite Skit: The Fonz cannon
Fire Maidens of Outer Space
Wow, the director really knew how to bore your skull straight off! The spacemen, well hell, all of the men in this movie were seriously dumb sexist pigs who couldn't act to save their lives. Who hired these people? It's like this movie was made for riffing, but it just got so BORING through it all. I can't say I enjoyed it immensely but some of the riffs are so damn funny it's worth watching it just for them.
Favorite Riff: I just sat there for hours and Cy Roth kept the camera rolling
Favorite Skit: The controls that do everything
Monster A-Go-Go
By far one of the worst movies they have ever covered in their careers in Mystery Science Theater. This is one of the most ineptly made pieces of cinema ever made and that's not even considering how it ended. If their riffing on this episode wasn't so amazingly well done, it would be considered one of the worst episodes ever as a result, but they somehow pulled it off. Watch this at your own risk.
Favorite Riff: Douglas was pear shaped, very short and stood the whole way
Favorite Skit: Johnny Long Torso!
The Thing that couldn't die
The best riffs in this episode definitely came from Aunt Flava Flave and everything being evil! Then there was the big huge dumb guy, it all added up rather quickly. The movie wasn't especially bad, but the "medieval scene" had to be quite humorous.
Favorite Riff: That's too bad, this tree was our state forest.
Favorite Skit: Observing Mike Nelson
Atlantic Rim
Asylum movies are known for their poor quality and the MSTies picked one that was no exception. While the movie isn't their normal fare, it certainly deserves a great deal of the riffing it receives. It's not their best episode but it certainly shows their versatility as comedians in the newer seasons of the show. The main character of the movie and bull butter are definitely some of the highlights of this experiment and it's a miracle they made it all the way through the gauntlet!
Favorite Riff: Harpoons? Are these whaling robots?
Favorite Skit: No way! We're dating the same chick!
